By Katie Arminie

Realization struck her as she waited for her overly attractive, bete noire. She detested herself. Yes, she hated herself, but the Cleansing High made everything better. That was why she was sitting in the driver seat while he finished using the ATM theft device he invented.

Nothing matters. No one cares about me. I’m fat and kind of dumb. Got nothing going for me, but my intelligent, handsome, Kevin. She could not quite remember how she had been sucked in by the addiction. Her low self esteem was nothing new. Maybe it was when she got fired from her fourth waitressing job. She was used to that though… Maybe it was the heartbreak of not showing her talent to the world.

The talent that thrilled, but weakened her spirit, making her vulnerable. Showing her artwork was like looking down at her heart from a ripped open chest. A heart that had been broken over and over again from an early age. I hate these feelings! She thought as she tried to focus on the Cleansing High that soon would make her anew.

The Cleansing High was touted by hippies as releasing all the toxins from your body as your mind expanded. The truth was water rushed from your eyes, nose, and skin before an organismic high raked your mind, body and soul.

Never did she bargain on what was about to happen. She had never intentionally hurt someone before and, unbeknownst to her, Kevin was about to change that for her. Her fingernails raked over the bug bites that had started to heal, her anxiety hard to contain. The fiery pain felt like a justified penance for being the getaway driver. She focused on her legs as she thought about what they must look like, blotchy and white, pretty typical. Kevin’s angered voice inferred with her self loathing, followed by a female’s frantic cries.

The door slammed open and a woman was shoved into the back seat. Kevin jumped into the passenger side, gun out. She sat at the driver’s seat stunned as she took in the beautiful distraught brunette behind her.

“She looks like Natalie Portman,” she thought absurdly. A violent shove made her face Kevin, his face hard with determination. She put the car in gear and drove to the hotel, all the while, concentrating on not getting pulled over. Kevin is a genius, he has a plan. Her thoughts continued to reassure her. Everything would be fine, she could just release herself to the high, only minutes away now that he had given her some, a reward for level headed driving.

Seconds away from the cleansing part of the high, they made it to the hotel. This was always a little scary, since some people succumbed to dehydration and died. Not looking behind her, she left the car and went inside the room, straight to the bathroom which was stocked with Pedialyte and towels. The liquid started to flow from her now. It was always astonishing to the point where nothing else mattered, not the ripping sound of duck tape or the moans of distress or the slamming of closet doors. Nothing. Time stopped as her body purged itself. Maybe that was part of the thrill, your body in peril, before mind numbing bliss. How could anything bad happen in a world that felt so wonderful? Everything would be fine, at least for a little while.